I haven’t really put much thought into this until now. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out why LB just can’t seem to grasp the “be a boyfriend” thing. I’ve been super hard on him, but yesterday I stopped and I thought about why. It suddenly dawned me. He doesn’t have a strong father figure.
When LB was born, his parents were still together till he was about 5. Then, they took separate paths of life. His mom rose to the top, became a great underwriter for an insurance company & now makes great money. She is constantly on business trips to many different destinations & can afford designer clothes, nice cars & even has her own condo in Florida. LB currently lives with her.
His dad unfortunately took a very different route. After the divorce (I’m not sure how many years) he met a wonderful woman named Dawn. They were together for a while until she cheated on him with his brother. Eventually, Dawn & Ed’s (LB’s father) brother married. That’s when life hit Ed like a ton of bricks & he turned to drinking.
LB lived with them & Dawn’s kids until he was 12 or 13. After the split, LB moved in his with mom, they bought a new house & life when on for them. LB’s mom dated Bob, an avid golf fan such as herself & he lived with her for about three years until she kicked him out for drinking. Sometime after that, I believe Bob was arrested & sentenced to jail for his third DUI.
Meanwhile, Ed also hit the bottles hard. His life became all about drinking. He stayed at the bar all hours of the day & eventually was diagnosed with diabetes. Somehow, he also managed to hold his job but everything else went to shit so to speak. His house became a garbage filled wasteland, he stopped caring about the bills, he got drunk & just threw away everything. He started becoming less interested in his son’s life.
So LB stopped caring. He watched his dad turn his life into a Jekeyll & Hyde production. When Ed is drunk, he will tell you exactly how he feels. He feels like he has to express to LB how much he cares with his famous slogan, “I’d give an arm & a leg for my son.” But when he’s sober, he becomes a real person, has interesting & intelligent conversations.
I believe on his second DUI (he backed up across the street into a neighbors yard when he was trying to “move his car” at an ex gfs) he had to go to alcohol classes & was put on probation. In that time period, he spent the most time I think he’s ever spent with LB in his life. As soon as it ended it, he was back to drinking. Of course, LB wanted no part of it.
Eventually, Ed’s job let go of some people & Ed (whos a very hardworker) moved up the ladder. His hours increased & thankfully his time at the bar as decreased. Unfortunately, is still does not deter him from drinking excessively. I’m not really sure what happened, but it has also caused him to really want to try & make any sort of effort on a real relationship with his son.
LB has gone months without seeing his dad, & when he does, it’s usually at the bar. His dad always promises to call him when he’s drunk, but the phone calls never come. Ed also takes very poor care of himself. As I said earlier, he has diabetes but does not take his medicine like he’s supposed too. Maybe he does now. I doubt it thought.
Alcoholism runs in their family. Thankfully, LB has anxiety with makes him NOT want to drink. I guess this is a blessing in disguise. I’m not especially worried that LB will go down that path, because he rarely rarely drinks now. I also do not drink because of this reason, I hate the way alcohol makes me feel & it has not or ever been a staple of my household. I am 100% proud of this.
Still, I am terrified for LB. I know that he thinks about his dad a lot, I know he’s worried that one day his dad will be gone sooner than expected. I might not always like him, but I 100% want his father to be at our wedding (no im not engaged again lol) & I want him to see his grandchild.
Right now, Ed is dating someone. When he’s drunk he’s the biggest asshole to her. He swears at her, & most times ignores her. He’ll walk out of the bar & home if he doesn’t feel like dealing with her. I know part of him is trying to push her away so he doesn’t hurt & the other part of him doesn’t want to get hurt.
I also understand why LB is sometimes like this to me. I understand why sometimes he just wants to push completely out for a while. I see why he’s not the best boyfriend for these reasons. He’s a hardworker like his parents, a great money saver like his mom & a very kind guy. But, he just hasn’t had his dad around to coach him on to be man. His mom hasn’t seen someone since her break up with Bob. She also is a very independent, & for lack of better wording, a lazy person.
I’ve never really understand this all, until a light bulb came on. My parents are still married & I have a younger brother. I come home & go to sleep everyday in my nice big bed. I wake up on the weekends to both of my parents. I go to sleep knowing that they are in the next room, soundly sleeping together. I am extremely grateful for them everyday. Even though they can annoy me, they have both taught me how to become a woman, how to be a sister, how to be a daughter, a girlfriend.
I don’t really understand life without them. I don’t understand how a parent could just leave their child like that. How they can pick an addiction over love, over support, over watching their child grow up. My family may be boring, but dinner is on the table every night at 5pm. They both work, my brother a college student.
Tomorrow, I will have a talk with LB on this. Maybe we can find a way to help him. I know he is tough on the outside, but on the inside I know it kills him that his father is slowly losing grip on life. That his father rather ignore him then see what the amazing person he is growing into. I just hope Ed realizes it one day before it’s too late. LB loves him. He would give up the world just to have a normal father. So would I.
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